(Some time later...)
"Fine, fine, you want me to play at being a prophet. Blah, blah, blah, whatever. What's the message then?"
"Well," Michael said, "that's a very good question. Not that it will help, but I will tell you what is soon to happen. You see, He's about to let the really stupid monkeys down here finish their plans for total domination. There are two groups of monkeys at work here. One of them goes really far back, and they worship the losing side because they think that they can somehow avoid His trap and win. The other side is a front group for the first that's gotten out of hand. The first group are going to conduct a big ritual sacrifice, and the second group will provide--unwittingly--that sacrifice under the guise of scaring the world into letting them take total control."
"Nukes." I said, "They're going to nuke the planet."
"Correct." Michael smiled. "You're a smart one. Hold on, it gets better. The second group will create false terrorist attacks on the ten biggest cities in the world, and they will execute these attacks all at once. Just like that, the world's ten biggest monkey cages blow up, with all the monkeys in them instantly incinerated. Not even Uriel ever thought of that."
"And the first group intends to somehow use the energy of those deaths to do some magic thing that something-something-something and they win?"
"They think that they'll have enough power to empower the other side enough to win, and in return they'll rule the world as his chief henchmen."
"Wait," I said, "what's to say that this power will be contained enough to be used?"
Michael smiled. "You get it!"
And I could not hide the horror on my face.